1) No, still no news.
2) Fine. (Smile hard enough to convince the other person and self.)
3) Sometime in October, most likely.
3) Yes, very exciting / very excited.
4) I don't know what my last day will be.... Yes, sorry I can't be more specific on that....
5) Approximately 3 months, and then we'll see from there what the story is before I make plans to come back.
6) Six months old on Saturday.
7) Between 6 and 7 months old.
8) I don't really know, but should have an update by the end of the week.
9) Everything but the mural.
10) We're making another Target run this weekend, but after that, we should be "good to go."
So, here's the deal: My patience is nearly sapped. I'm so anxious I've started throwing all Elli's outfits in the laundry so that they'll be "ready to pack" when we get the call, have managed to knit all but the last few rows in a blanket for Elli (knitting is my meditation), and haven't needed caffeine to get myself jittery for the past week!
In an effort to channel my attention elsewhere, I am starting a blog contest: The list above is the FGATQ -- what are the Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) that match? Two prizes will be awarded: One for the first person to correctly list out the FAQs in the comments section below; and one for the best entertainment value on the "stage directions" to accommodate the answers above.
For example, if the FGATQ was "Jeremy," then the FAQ is "What's your husband's name?" and an attempt at a stage direction would be "Smile and stall for time until you have to say "Jeremy" so it doesn't look like you've managed to forget your own husband's name while trying desperately to remember if questioner is married or not so that you can reply with appropriate 'And what's your spouse's name, again?' question.
Keep the stage directions clean but entertaining! Prizes will be fabulous.... :-)
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6 comments:
1. Have you heard anything yet?
(Try to refrain from yelling...IF I HEARD SOMETHING DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU ALREADY?)
2. How are you doing?
(Are you people serious? How do you think I am doing? My baby is on the other side of the planet. Take adeep breath. Inhale, and exhale.)
3. When will you travel to get her? (Excuse me folks. I guess you forgot that I already answered number 1...what "something" do you think I haven't heard yet. Yeah, that would be WHEN WILL I TRAVEL. Serenity now.)
3b. Are you SO excited.
(Ok. You gotta really try not to punch this person. I know it will be hard, but you gotta try. Then with a serious face, answer the question...NO...what the heck would I be excited about...I'm only having a baby, duh.)
4. When is your last day
(Take a deep breath. Then let it out...you kind of need an answer to number 1 and number 3 before you can answer this question. It will be OK. Keep telling yourself that.)
5. How long are you taking off from work?
(DON'T say...as long as a freakin feel like it, ok).
6. How old is she?
(Reconsider decision to quit drinking.)
7. How old will she be when you pick her up.
(Reconsider decision to quit sniffing glue)
8. When will you hear something.
(Try your very hardest NOT to lose it. When will we hear something? How the heck should I know. This WAIT wouldn't really be a WAIT if I knew when everything was going to happen. Why do you think I am FREAKING out...because I DON'T KNOW WHEN!!!)
9. Is her room ready yet?
(If you were standing at least near the room here, you could gesture toward the door like a game show host and yell TA DA. That would be a nice effect).
10. Are you ready? Or do you have everything you need?
(At this point you could ask the kind person asking the question if they would like to come over and do an inventory just to be sure you didn't miss anything)
As you can tell, I am feeling a bit stressed and sarcastic these days. Hope I was right on the questions.
Heather, my dear, I can’t possibly compete with Paul and Heather’s Stage directions. I nearly fell off my chair. So here are my best guesses for the frequently asked questions.
1)Oh my goodness. Heather, there’s a giant orange octopus growing out of the side of your head. Have the doctor’s told you what’s causing that yet?
2)It looks like it is blocking your ear. How is your hearing?
3) Do you think the orange octopus will turn purple?
3b) Are you pleased that your head-octopus will shift to a color that better complements your skin tone?
4)Is that thing starting to strangle you?
5)Can you set some time aside to travel with the circus, showing off your amazing orange or purple octopus head?
6)How long has this thing been growing off the side of your head?
7)How old do the doctor’s think the octopus must be before it can survive surgical separation?
8)How is the octopus able to breathe out here in the air?
9)Has it been getting crustacean slime on everything?
10)Are you going into seclusion in order to avoid the cruel taunts of strangers?
You all are very funny!!
I couldnt possibly try to answer in a more entertaining way. I love it.
Lisa R.
LOL
Argh...I was hoping you, at least, had your updates... :)
BUT what a pleasure to find this waiting for me! You guys are hysterical! I bow to your superior creativity...both Heathers and Sarah. I could not possibly, with my kiddo birthday party saturated brain (not to mention anxious for updates addled brain) produce anything even remotely this clever!
Thanks for the big smile & laugh ladies!
Lisa C.
Ok this is very funny!! I am not that creative so watch our Sara and I will be Borrowing this idea!!!! SO I'm going for the correct answers.
1. Have you heard anything yet?
2. How are you doing with the wait?
3. When will you "get her"?
4. Are you excited?
5. When are you going on mat. leave?
6. How long are you "going to take off"?
7. How old is she?
8. When will you here something?
9. Is the nursery ready?
10. Do you have everything you need?
Michelle C, AL
JOH Friend.
This post and the thread of answers are just WAY toooo funny!!! Having just gone through the wait myself, I can sympathize every bit of this. You gals rock!
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